Wednesday, September 16, 2009

If you have ever been concerned about the security of your synagogue during the high holy days, fear not. Community leaders like American Rabbi Gary Moskowitz have undertaken anti-terrorist training along with the preparation of their yearly sermons and are well prepared to fend off any foolish anti-semite or jihadi. This is one tough, pistol packing Jew who makes the right to bare arms a God given one. Shannah Tovah, Mother F*&%$#r!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

IDF harvests the organs of dead Swede

A furore has broken out over Swedish journalist, Donald Bostrom’s accusation in the newspaper Aftonbladet claiming that the Israeli Defense Forces harvest organs from dead Palestinians for sale on the black market. Bostrom, however, appears to have got his facts wrong. The Israeli Defense Forces in fact harvest the organs of dead Swedes utilising every useful element except for the brain.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The real meaning of Pepsi

If the discovery of our sexually-enhanced chewing gum wasn’t enough, Muslim organisations like Hamas have now discovered the secret machinations behind our brand of soft drinks. We clearly have our work cut out for us. I'm thinking flaming gum balls that literally explode in your mouth.

Hamas discovers Zionist plot to boost Gazan Libidos

This is an unedited transcript from Al-Arabiya News Network relating to the discovery of our attempt to boost Gazan sex-drives with chewing gum.

Hamas suspects that Israeli intelligence services are supplying its Gaza Strip stronghold with chewing gum that boosts the sex drive in order to "corrupt the young," an official said on Tuesday.

"We have discovered two types of stimulants that were introduced into the Gaza Strip from Israeli border crossings," Hamas police spokesman Islam Shahwan told AFP.

"The first type is presented in the form of chewing gum and the second in the form of drops," he said.

"The intelligence services are aiming to corrupt the young generation by distributing these products among students," Hamas police spokesman Islam Shahwan.

The Islamist movement that has run the densely populated and impoverished Palestinian territory for the past two years said it has detained members of a gang that helped to bring in the products.

"They admitted during the investigation they were linked to the Zionist intelligence services," he said.

One suspect said he had received the products from an Israeli intelligence officer at a cut-rate price "with the officer saying they did not want money, but to distribute the products among the young people of Gaza," Shahwan said.

"The intelligence services are aiming to corrupt the young generation by distributing these products among students."

The story came to light after a Palestinian man filed a complaint that his daughter had experienced "dubious side effects" after chewing the offending gum, Israeli media reported.

The Israeli military declined to comment officially on the allegations, which one military source termed "absurd."

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The Hidden Paw

It is important for us conspirators to stick together, hence the word "conspiracy". In recognition of this fact, I would like to draw your attention to a brand new blog site or rather clog site which documents the inner workings of the most heinous cabal through the medium of cartoons. These conspirators are, of course, teddy bears, who like the Jews have long sought to undermine the socioeconomic fabric of the civilized world. Read The Hidden Paw to expose them.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Valentines Day is a Zionist Conspiracy

According to the translation of Indonessian blogger, Patung at ""- Buya Mas’oed Abidin, the chairman of the West Sumatra branch of the Indonesian Clerics’ Council complained on 12th February that the celebration of Valentine’s Day is a "capitalist-Jewish conspiracy". Hotels and resturaunts in certain districts have been forbidden from offering Valaentine's Day specials, and schools have been ordered to direct their students to mosques on 14th February to hear specially prepared sermons on modesty and abstinance.
Although Buya has failed to notice that a "Saint" of any sort is usually of a Catholic or Orthodox background, we need to focus on the impact that this might have on Jewish businesses in Western Sumatra. I am not sure how many Kosher deli's or wholesale retailers can be found in the Indonessian jungle along with the Orangutans and other creatures, but clearly their numbers are sufficient to raise fear among the Muslim leadership.
I have asked our librarian at JewWatch to find out whether St. Valentine was in fact a Member of the Tribe. From what I can tell, although we would be happy to take credit for this day of hearts and flowers, it may be one that lies entirely on the shoulders of the opposition. If this is indeed the case, I wonder if our Sumatran Tiger would be willing to change its stipes.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Secret of the Starbucks Logo

Egyptian cleric, Safwat Higazi, has discovered the secret of the Starbucks logo:

The girl in the Starbucks logo is Queen Esther. Do you know who Queen Esther was and what the crown on her head means? This is the crown of the Persian kingdom. This queen is the queen of the Jews. She is mentioned in the Torah, in the Book of Esther. The girl you see is Esther, the queen of the Jews in Persia.
Can you believe that in Mecca, Al-Madina, Cairo, Damascus, Kuwait, and all over the Islamic world there hangs the picture of beautiful Queen Esther, with a crown on her head, and we buy her products?
We want Starbucks to be shut down throughout the Arab and Islamic world. It is inconceivable that in Mecca and Al-Madina, there will be a picture of Queen Esther, the queen of the Jews.
Oh well! Like the Da Vinci Code, the Starbucks Code has at last been cracked. Well done, Sheik Higazi. Dan Brown will no doubt write a book about you.